Happy

Last night, I heard Tal Ben Shahar speak on positive psychology and diligently took notes. Here's what I learned:

Your reality and experience will be shaped by what you look for or focus on. So, if you spend your time focusing only on what is frustrating you, didn't go well, etc., that's the reality in which you'll live. Positive people are resilient. They also focus on what went well and what can be learned from that, as well as theirs and others' strengths.

Consider a romantic or work relationship. In both situations, you have high expectations from the other party and will inevitably be disappointed, because you're dealing with an imperfect person (but TWIST - so are they!). It's definitely worth considering what didn't go well, but it's just as important to consistently come back to what you appreciate about them or recognize as their strengths. Maybe you vocalize them, maybe you don't. (Though vocalizing them allows the other to consider their own strengths and increases their happiness, too!) This shapes a more accurate, balanced reality; not one dominated by negativity and frustration, and allows us to see what is working and where we are thriving.

Tal also spoke at length about gratitude and appreciation. He encouraged making a practice out of telling others in your life what you appreciate about them (as mentioned above) and writing down five things you're thankful for every day. He also suggested making a practice out of considering what you're good at and what sorts of things give you strength, as well as the progress you're making and the things you're looking forward to. Maybe you do this organically, think about things as you go through your day, or maybe you make it a disciplined practice.