What do you call a very small Valentine?

A Valen-tiny.

What did one boat say to the other on Valentine's Day?

Are you up for a little row-mance?

That ought to set you up to charm someone this evening. Speaking of charming someone this evening, I just pulled some brownies out of the oven and now fully expect our night to end in passionate cries of "don't touch me" because we're so full we're ill. 

Today I went to see the optician, who scolded me for sleeping in my contacts. But then she told me my eyes are in perfect health and seemed to be even more upset that they aren't diseased and damaged from my bad habits. Part of the exam called for yellow eye drops, which I got pretty excited about because I imagined having jaundice eyes the rest of the day and a) having no one sit next to me on the bus and b) terrifying Jamie, but turns out the stuff went away in 5 minutes. 

On the way out, I looked across the street and saw a nightclub called Infernos. 

Jamie took me there the very first time I ever visited him in London, nine years ago, and it's just as terrible as it looks. Honestly, this whole relationship never should have lasted beyond that night, and it's a wonder I could look at it without having some sort of PTSD reaction. That said, they must be doing something right if they're still in business, and I'm tempted to drag him back for a reunion night from hell. 

I hope your Valentine's Day has been exceptionally lovely and that you feel celebrated and adored by someone.